I was a transfer student from a small, all-male college in Virginia, where I had been a philosophy major, but I decided to switch to something with stronger job prospects: theater major.
- Stephen Colbert

Parents: Many of your children you haven’t seen in four years. Well, you are about to see them every day when they come out of the basement to tell you the wi-fi isn’t working.
- Conan O’Brien

Congratulations! You have now earned the of right to join the grownup world of working for a living, the chief privilege of which is setting your alarm for the crack of dawn, as opposed to the crack of noon.
- Greg Tamblyn

Before I went to college, I made a little money painting houses part-time. But after I became a college educated man, I got serious about a career and began painting houses full-time.
- Bruce Cameron

Wearing colorful Converse high-tops beneath your graduation robe is a great way to tell your classmates that this is just the first of many horrible decisions you plan to make with the rest of your life.
- Conan O’Brien

You may think you’ll never find your “dream job,” but trust me: If you set your goals high, and never ever give up, I guarantee you that one day you will find yourself working for a huge impersonal corporation run by morons. Everybody does!
- Dave Barry

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