A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral hearse for the last 25 years."

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Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can’t remember anything!

Doctor: So, how long have you had this problem?

Patient: What problem?

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Jack: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a cell phone?"

Jack: "They're too expensive, so I did the next best thing: I put a mailbox in my car."

Psychiatrist: "And do you receive any letters?"

A little girl was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to read in the newspaper. The family dog was lying and as the screeching sounds of little Amelia’s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, “For pity’s sake, can’t you play something the dog doesn’t know?”

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