Thought for the day
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Taxi Taxi
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second, everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look, pal, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years!

Scare Me?
A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?"

First Child
A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her husband!"

How to eat Chocolates
A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts." She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off 'em

The Mermaid
There were three men fishing in a boat. One felt a tug and reeled in his line. He had caught a beautiful mermaid. She squirmed and struggled and tried to break free but he wouldn't let her go. Finally she said "I'll give you anything you can wish for if you'll let me go.
"Okay," said the man, "I want my IQ doubled." So she did and he goes off on Shakespeare and all kinds of complicated things. The mermaid goes to leave and the second man grabs her. "Hey, I'm not going to let you go until I get a wish too."
"Fine," she said, "What do you want?" "I want my IQ tripled." So she triples his IQ and he goes off solving all these problems and mathmatical equations. "I suppose you want a wish too?" the mermaid said to the last man. "You bet I do, I want my IQ timed by 10!" "Ummm I don't think you do," said the mermaid. "It'll change your whole aspect on life." And although she tried to talk him out of it, that's what he wanted. So she gave him his wish and *POOF* He turned into a woman.

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