"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "
"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"

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Why are all the unemployed in Palm Beach County, Florida sitting on the dock?

An elections official said he needed help to count votes, and they all thought he said he needed help to count boats!

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President Obama has been meeting with voters in what he calls 'backyard chats.' He's held these in real people's backyards. You know something, I think all politicians should talk to people in their backyards. Then you could take what they say and spread it on the lawn.'' —Jay Leno

''I do miss George Bush. Compared to these teabaggers and the people who are pandering to them, he looks like a professor.'' —Bill Maher

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