Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.
George Carlin

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....." Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!" There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.
As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"
The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."
The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."

A fellow went to get the test results from his doctor.
The doctor said, "I have bad news and I have good news. The bad news is that your condition is so severe that you need a brain transplant."
After the man had recovered his composure, the doctor went on. "The good news is that there are two brains available right now." "Thank God", said the patient. "How soon can you operate?"
"Right away," said the doctor, "but you still have to make some decisions. One of the brains will cost $60,000. It belonged to a man. The other will cost $20,000. It belonged to a woman."
"That's a huge price difference, Doctor," the patient observed. "Why is the woman's brain so much cheaper?"
"Well," replied the doctor, "they're both in perfectly good condition. It's just that the woman's brain has been used."

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