"You Don't Know Sheep"

"Johnnie."
"Yes, teacher."
"If there are twenty sheep in a field, and one gets out through a hole in the fence, how many sheep are left in the field?"
"None, teacher."
"Johnnie, there are still nineteen sheep left in the field. Obviously you don't know arithmetic."
"Sorry, teacher, but I do know arithmetic. Obviously you don't know sheep."
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Sign in a restaurant window just outside Martinsville, VA:

"DON'T STAND THERE AND BE HUNGRY; COME IN AND GET FED UP"
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"Let me guess"

A man was walking along a road in the quaint countryside of Franklin County, Pennsylvania and came across a farmer and a huge flock of sheep. He told the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number of sheep in this flock."

The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet.

"973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. He says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picked one up and began to walk away.

"Wait," cried the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man thought for a moment a said "sure."

"You are an economist for the federal government," said the shepherd.

"Amazing!" responded the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well," said the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
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"Nice gift"

Just after the Christmas holiday, two retired farmers were having coffee at the town diner in Accomac, Virginia. One gentleman spoke up, "I just got the best Christmas gift ever - the finest hearing aid money can buy."

The second man asked, "What kind is it?"

The first man, looking at his watch, replied, "It's 2:30."

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