A big shot city lawyer and an old country farmer got into a car wreck.  They both got out of their cars to survey the damage.  After looking over the lawyer in his $1,000 suit, the farmer walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back.  
He handed it to the lawyer, and said, "Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this.  It'll steady your nerves."  
The lawyer did.  
The farmer said, "You still look a little bit pale. How about another?" And the lawyer took another swallow.  
At the urging of the farmer, he took another, and another, and another.  
Finally, the lawyer said he was feeling pretty good, and asked the farmer if he didn't think that he ought to have a little nip, too.  
"Not me", the farmer replied.  "I'm waiting for the state trooper." 

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. 
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting!  
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled,  "PULL OVER!" 
"No," the woman yelled back, "It's a scarf!" 

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."  
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."  
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."  
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. 
Where's the car?"  
WIFE: "In the pool."  

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