A man went to the doctor one day and said:
'I've just been playing Rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and verywhere else, it really hurt.'
So the doctor said: 'You've broken your finger.'


'Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy.'
Waiter: 'That's because they're the chopsticks, sir.'


Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One says, 'It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?'
The other says, 'Well, we have a name for it in my family.'
'What do you call it?'
'We call it a football wedding.'
The first asks, 'What's a football wedding?'
The other says, 'She's waiting for him to kick off!'


A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
'I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,' she said.
'What do you mean?' he asked.
'Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!''


Recently, I was at a professional football game supporting my favorite team. My seat wasn't the greatest, so when i noticed a vacant seat on the fifty yard line 10 rows up, I headed towards it. I asked the man sitting next to it if the seat was taken. He replied, 'No'.
I started talking to the man and I learned he owned the seat I was in. He said, 'My wife use to love to come to these games until she died.'
'Why didn't you give this seat away to a friend?' I asked.
He replied, 'Because they are all at her funeral.'


By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. 'Why are you so late?' his friend asked.
'I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game.'
'How long could that have taken you?'
'Well, I had to toss it 14 times.'

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