How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb in an HMO?
Only one, but it needs a pre-auth before it can be done.

What's a shy and retiring hospital executive?
An executive who's a million dollars shy and that's why he is retiring.

Have you seen the new home surgery kit available via mail order?
It's called Suture Self.

What is the difference between HMO's and Terrorists?
You can bargain with terrorists.

Did you hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of managed care reviewers?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

What is the difference between an HMO and a car battery?
The battery has a positive side.

What is the difference between an HMO doctor and a seagull?
A seagull can still make a significant deposit on a Mercedes.

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