Republicans

John McCain is so old; he remembers when Iraq was called Mesopotamia. -David Letterman

"John McCain is now crisscrossing the United States campaigning. Or, as they're calling it, Antiques Roadshow." -Jay Leno

John McCain may have chosen Sarah Palin so he wouldn't risk having to get CPR from Mitt Romney. -Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin and John McCain make a good pair. She's pro-life and he's clinging to life." -Jay leno

Democrats

Barack Obama was in New Hampshire Sunday. When informed of this, President Bush excitedly asked, 'Did we catch 'em?' -Seth Meyers

I thought about joining the 'Blacks against Obama' protest until I realized it was just Condoleezza Rice and Jesse Jackson there.

When Obama gave his big speech on race; this one heckler in the audience kept screaming crazy stuff. It was just his pastor.


What is the difference between the Republicans of Congress
and the Library of Congress?
At the Library of Congress, you aren’t allowed to lick the pages.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CAMPAIGN PROMISES

A U.S. senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. " There is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

You will spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

He goes down, down, down to hell and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. All his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
The senator then visits heaven, joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.

They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity," says St. Peter

The senator reflects for a minute. "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

He finds himself in the middle of a barren desert covered with waste and garbage, where all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."


Politics is not a bad profession.
If you succeed there are many rewards,
if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book..

|