Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly Neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
 
The winners are:
 
1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which a woman absent-mindedly answers the door in her nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline

11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question in an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.

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The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

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