Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

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Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 200 bones in the human body? Tom: Shhh, doctor! My dog's outside in the waiting room!

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Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything! Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? Patient: What problem? Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory? Patient: What pills?

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and smoking, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room. Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.

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