Chaachi Chichu, I am desperate - every time the moon becomes full, I tend to want to howl. Sometimes, hair sprouts out of my ears. Is there something wrong with me or am I just a regular Lokvani reader? BTW, your handling of some of the questions was so brilliant that I think you should start your own religion.Veerappan@ Mysoreforests.org

  Chaachi -  Veerappan, puttar, here're answers to your queries. The hair in your ears need Neutrogena T gel shampoo (soft and flowing) and go right ahead and howl at the moon, I do that all the time (lets howl together sometime!) Thanks for the kind words, son, I do intend to found a religion, the temple is under construction.

    Dear Chichu Chaachi, I am mortally afraid of my daughter-in-law. Yesterday, she hid the TV remote when it was time for my soaps (Hindi and English). She also uses my dentures when I am not there, I can tell. My son is also very afraid of her so he does not scold her. Please advise.

Sad Saas in Somerville

  Chaachi : Saasu , don’t worry! Yours is a unique problem, I know. Denture swiping daughters in law are rare, but that is no answer to your query. Have you tried hiding your teeth? Or maybe not taking them out of your mouth at all. Here is another idea…take them out only when you have to go to sleep and even then keep them under lock and key. How does your son feel about his mom and wife both smiling at him with the same teeth?

Let me know how you fare, you poor old thing!

    Chaachi, please help! My husband snores in bed! Help! I haven’t slept in years, my eyes have dark circles around them and bags under.

Sleepless Sangita in Salem

Chaachi : Sang baby, try this. Stitch cotton pockets that will hold two tennis balls into your miyas vest and make him wear it to bed. The balls have to be at the back so that he does not roll over onto his back. This way he will sleep on his tum or on his side. Should do the trick. Apparently this has done wonders for Mrs. Brad Pitt, Mrs. Shah Rukh Khan and Mr. Cindy Crawford. A hint of caution though. I let your chaacha greet the milkman one morning and the latter almost fainted at the sight of my husband’s retreating back( with the two orbs sewed into his vest)

Cheri Chachi
You have to help me settle a bet with a friend. She says that Indian organized events have to go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, because no one would notice if they were kept short and sweet. I say the organizers are being thoughtful and giving us an excuse to catch up on our sleep. Which one of us pays for that Samosa Chaat?

Briefly Yours, from Billerica

  Chaachi - Dear briefly, a deep and poignant question that ! One that has plagued mankind, especially Indians in these parts for centuries! Many a time your chaachi has had to carry her sleeping children out into the minivan after a looooooong program. A couple of times, Chaachi has slinked out of the auditorium, your chaachaji slung over my ample shoulders. Not a pretty picture, that! So I have to go with the latter. With great consideration for the hapless attendees, the organizers make sure that the audience catches up on its zzz’s during the long drawn-out evenings.

Yo Chaachi, My parents want me to cut my hair and shave my upper lip. (I have a nice thing going by way of facial foliage and am reluctant to acquaint myself with the razor). I also happen to think that me dad and mum are old, boring, did I already mention old, really ancient and like…totally unreasonable.

Tearfully yours ...Tina from Tewksbury

  Chaachi - Whoa ! Hold on there Tina! While I personally have no beef with ladies sporting moustaches, the world may be forgiven for not having that broad a mind- set! Also, what’s up with calling your parents old, ancient etc? Sacrifice the mouch, but wear your hair the way you want. If your folks object tell them Chaachi said so.

I am having a bad hair day...chaachi help!!!!

Anguished Anil from Andover

Chaachi - Anil, dear son, shave all your hair off, that’s the best cure for bad hair days. Chaachi herself has contemplated that move many times.

  Since the last column, Chaachi has been deluged with questions from desis from Acton to Worcester. While I can only answer so many Q’s an issue , some will have to wait. Sorry, dumplings. Keep them coming and remember, I love you little lambs.

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