Namastey London

Dir: Vipul Shah

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Katrina Kaif, Rishi Kapoor, Upen Patel, Clive Standen

Music: Himesh Reshammiya

Vipul Shah’s third directorial venture purports to cross a “British brat” (Jasmeet, played by Katrina Kaif) with a “funjabi boy” (Arjun, played by Akshay Kumar), but the film opens at its most climactic and most unexpected point, with said funjabi dressed in a tuxedo walking the brat down a church aisle so she can get married to an Englishman (Charlie Brown, played by Clive Standen).

What?!, you may (justifiably) ask.

Well, (we learn, as the film unravels in flashback), Jasmeet is under pressure from her parents to find a nice boy and settle down. However, although she speaks Hindi, she does not consider herself Indian and will have none of this desi marriage business. After all, she was born and brought up in London, wears short/tight clothes, narrates tales of ex-boyfriends galore, drinks, fights with her parents about “her” money and living independently… and calls herself Jazz. (It is not for us to question why she frequents nightclubs where they play nasal Himesh Reshammiya numbers.)  

Oh, another thing: Jazz is also already in love, with her firang boss, Charlie, who has been divorced three times in the last two years. Right after serial bridegroom Charlie’s marriage proposal, though, she is whisked off to India by her parents, who secretly hope to find her a match under the pretense of showing her her motherland. The scene is set: India is picturesque and exotic (cue the camels, prayer ceremonies, the Taj Mahal…), and much family bonding occurs. She is shown “eligible” boys from all parts of the country, but she does not like any of them.  

Then, in the fields of hot, dusty, and entirely inconvenient Punjab, the NRIs’ car breaks down.

Guess who shows up to repair it, all the while eyeing the pretty young thing in the backseat?  

Arjun is the son of a close friend of Jazz’ father. He dresses in long kurtas paired with jeans and speaks pure Punjabi. In short, he is everyone’s idea of the perfect match for Jazz, and conveniently enough, is in love with her too. Jazz eventually succumbs to the pressure – but only after a rather suspicious phone call to her friend Imran (Upen Patel) back home, and after making sure that she will get to spend her wedding night in London.  

What unravels thereafter, and how it comes about that Arjun becomes the best man at Jazz’ wedding to Charlie, is best left un-narrated. Suffice it to say that the second half is chock-full of melodrama, including tears, rugby matches, romance, yacht parties, London sights and sounds, and several more nasal Himesh Reshammiya numbers… all en route to a neat and tidy ending.  

Akshay Kumar does a decent job in his role as the good-hearted Indian boy, although he is pitifully incapable of shrugging his shoulders bhangra-style. Katrina Kaif is, we must conclude, cast in films exclusively because of her looks, because the dubbing of her voice (unlike Jazz, Ms Kaif speaks no Hindi) is disastrous, and kills whatever authenticity her mixed heritage lends to her role as “British brat”. Why does the dubbing artiste speak in an American accent if Jazz is British? A rather chubby Rishi Kapoor gives the father role an honest shot; there is no sign of Amitabh Bachchan, who played key roles in both of the director’s previous films, Aankhen (2002) and Waqt (2005).  

But all said and done, although the star cast puts in some effort, and although some of the one-liners were hilarious, Namastey London was disappointing. The picturization was by and large unimpressive, the songs monotonous, and some sub-plots (inter-religious marriages, the integration of children of immigrants into their adoptive cultures, the stereotypical foreign perception of India), which could have been put to good use, were instead neglected in the dogged execution of the rather-flimsy plot.  

Verdict: Unless you are a die-hard Katrina or Akshay fan, put your $10 toward a trip to London (or India), instead. There’s no shortage of real-life Punjabis/brats in either place, and the desi ghee is more satisfying in real life than on screen!
 

Movie buff and freelancer Simran Thadani, 24, hails from Bombay, India. She graduated from Wellesley College in 2005, and will begin a Ph.D. program at the University of Pennsylvania in the fall.

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