Salaam-E-Ishq
Dir: Nikhil Advani
Starring: Anil Kapoor + Juhi Chawla, Sohail Khan + Isha Koppikar, Govinda + Shannon Esrechowitz, John Abraham + Vidya Balan, Salman Khan + Priyanka Chopra, Akshaye Khanna + Ayesha Takia… and as if that wasn’t enough, Tinnu Anand, Prem Chopra, Anjana Sukhani, and more

Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy

Salaam-E-Ishq is long enough that, if you do decide to watch it, you will be treated to more than enough footage of the six couples involved; so, unlike the film, I’ll spare you the gory details.  

It would suffice, for the purposes of summarizing the story, to quote the film’s own tagline: “six different couples, twelve different lives, one common problem: love”.  

Each couple has a different love problem. Fairly simple.  

Some of the couples are more important – and better actors – than the others; several of those stories might have made at least passable films in and of themselves. Still, so far so good!

What about entertainment value? Does the film have comedy? Yes (thanks in large part to Akshaye Khanna, and not Sohail Khan.) Weepies? Yes (keep the Kleenex handy, especially when Juhi Chawla sniffles). Good, drama-filled dialogue? A bit cheesy in parts (see Salman Khan for details) but yes, it’s there. Flair? Yup, it’s a colourful movie (cue Ayesha Takia’s fancy wedding and Govinda’s Technicolor taxi for proof); production values are high, as the costumes and locations alone could tell you. Sex appeal? Good-looking and very-much-in-love-except-for-one-small-problem couple Vidya Balan and John Abraham will satisfy in that department. And music? Oh, yes; Shankar, Ehsaan and Loy have outdone themselves on the title track (which features bagpipes), Tainu Leke, Dil Kya Kare, and even the token Priyanka Chopra “item number”, Saiyyan Re.  

In all those respects, Salaam-E-Ishq seems poised for success. So what’s the problem? How could such a perfect formula go wrong?

Well, think back to director Nikhil Advani’s maiden venture, the 2003 blockbuster Kal Ho Naa Ho. Those of you who watched that film will remember that it featured a high-visibility cast, gorgeous locations, and hit music. Advani’s fresh, je ne sais quoi directorial style (remember the ingenious use of mirrors, split screens, and asides?) struck the right chord with young, hip moviegoers.  

Here’s the problem: given Advani’s pedigree, the producers of S-E-I obviously went all out on the man’s sophomore effort, plastering star faces and the film’s tagline anywhere the desi eye could possibly look. Yet something was different about this one. Where Kal Ho Naa Ho had an entertaining storyline and some novelty to bolster the flounce and justify the marketing, Salaam-E-Ishq has several flimsy and long-drawn-out subplots, and seems… well, derivative (think Crash, think Love, Actually, think any ensemble-cast Hindi movie with its requisite tears and happy endings…) and therefore disappointing. I got fidgety. I wanted results, not more and more and more drama. I wanted the stories to be not quite so neatly and tidily packaged. I saw where it was all going, but it just wouldn’t go.

Of course, that said, the star value of the cast can – and probably will – draw you to the theatre, since there’s someone in there for every possible type of moviegoer. And if you just want to revel in the pure glory of the Indian rainbow of colours in London and Bombay and Delhi and the middle of nowhere, you’ll do fine with this film.  

But unfortunately, no amount of catchy songs or slick segues can make Advani’s visual verbosity truly worth it. No doubt his intentions were good. But salaam-e-ishq, meri jaan, zara qabool kar lo: this film has “one common problem: love”. Too much love for the stars, too little love for the audience’s staying power.  

My verdict: Give it a go only if you have super stamina. Or can truly leave your mind at the door.

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