A state legislator is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife, who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house."
"Not in the House, my dear," her husband says. "Perhaps in the Senate, but not in the House."


A sweet young thing who has just been shopping is pulled over by a traffic cop and given a ticket for speeding. Rather than fight the ticket, the woman writes a check for the amount of the fine and puts it in the mail.
However, the young woman is anxious. Her husband always examines her checkbook carefully, and she doesn't want him to know about the incident.Then inspiration strikes, and she scribbles on the check stub: "One pullover, $125."


A woman of our acquaintance was in the habit of having long telephone conversations that sometimes lasted over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes.
"What is the matter?" asked her husband. "You were on the phone talking for less than half an hour."
"I got a wrong number," the woman replied.


An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings that are on display.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replies. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That’s wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What’s the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."



Several weeks after a young man is hired, he is called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asks. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replies, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."

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