Lawyers  should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you Manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt.

Laloo Prasad (erstwhile Bihar CM) sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.A few days later he got this reply :
"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks". Bill Gates
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said:"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khusi hogee ki hum ko Amreeca mein naukri mil gaya hoon."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued......
" Ab main aap sab ko apnaa Appointment letter padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai is liyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ..... Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ---- ab letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ---- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ---- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates....

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally Typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.  After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2002
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.  I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!  Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."

By the time John arrived at the football game,the first quarter was almost over.
George: "Why are you so late?".
John: "I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game."
George: "How long could that have taken you?"
John: "Well, I had to toss it 81 times."

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