Ideal Husband!

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just
like Moishe."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Moishe Glickman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my
coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to
Moishe every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Moishe. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on
the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an
opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's
birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork
to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse,
and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
Passenger. "Wow, some guy ehh?"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them."
Passenger: Mmm, not many like that around."
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and
never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was
always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Moishe."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his widow." .
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The New Indian Image

Speech by Thomas Friedman of The New York Times....

"When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat
our vegetables at dinner and not leave them.
Mothers said, 'Think of the starving children in India and finish
the dinner.'
And now, I tell my children:
'Finish your maths homework. Think of the children in India who
would make you starve, if you don't.'"
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A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily, deliriously in loveand due to be married the next day. Suddenly, a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their car! BOOM! And they both died.

At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter. "Sir, you have to
help us! We were to be married tomorrow. Is there any way we can be married in Heaven?"

"Hmmm," replied St. Peter, "I don't recall there ever being a marriage in
Heaven. Well, let's take it up with God and see what He says."

So they approached God with their plea. God sat for a moment, pondering the request. Then He looked down and said, "Come back in five years and ask me again."

Five years later, the couple approached God again, even more in love than ever and pleading that he allow their marriage. God paused for quite a while, musing over their request. Then he spoke, "Come back in five years and ask me again."

And once again, five years later, the couple were again in the presence of God, more in love than ever and begging God's permission for the third time to marry. This time God smiled broadly and thundered, "Yes my children, you may marry!"

Well, the wedding went off beautifully, the reception was huge, everyone thought the bride was simply breathtaking and the groom was soooo handsome, and everyone was happy! Until...

Two years later, the couple were back before God, and things were not looking so good. The couple had come to the realization almost immediately that although marriages were made in heaven, they didn't last very long there! And, in spite of their struggles to come to terms with the situation, they had decided there simply was no alternative but to get a divorce.

Black clouds fractured by lightning rolled across the sky, and the ground shook with explosive thunder.

God glared down at the tiny couple before Him, His face becoming dark and angry, and He roared, "Divorce?! Impossible!!!

It took us TEN years just to find a priest in Heaven!
Do you have any idea how long it will take to find a LAWYER?!!"
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I recently checked out a new Doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either."
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why do you care if you live to be 80?

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