Elevator Experience
A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and left in a huff. The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I pinched her."

The Christmas Present
The little girl was SO proud of her Christmas presents, her first watch and her first perfume. She really made a pest of herself throughout the morning, going up to all the relatives and sticking that watch in their ear and insisting that they smell her perfume. The preacher was coming for lunch, but before his arrival, the girl's mother had said, "If you mention that watch or that perfume just once more, I'm going to send you to your room for the rest of the day."
The meal went rather well, and the little girl held her tongue until just when the desert was being served. She wanted to make sure that the preacher, too, knew about her new watch and her perfume: "If you hear anything or smell anything ... it's me!"


Kids Say The Funniest Things...
Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:
1. The future of "I give" is "I take."
2. The parts of speech are lungs and air.
3. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
4. A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
5. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
6. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
7. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
8. We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
9. A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
10. The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
11. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
12. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
13. In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.


Wise Child
A priest at a parochial school, wanting to point out the proper behavior for church, was trying to elicit from the youngsters rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.
"Don't play with your food," one second-grader cited.
"Don't be loud," said another, and so on.
"And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?" the priest inquired of one little boy.
Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order something cheap."


Old Hag or Old Bag?
At a school picnic, my son asked me if I'd participate in the relay games with him.
I told him I would and to let me know when they were to begin.
As soon as the gunnysack race was announced, Tim came bounding across the field and shouted, "Mommy, hurry! It's time for the old-bag race, and we're all waiting for you."

|