So, Bill Gates and his wife are going to have another baby, huh? His third, I hear, and also her third, which will make, what, two-thirds? Whatever third it is that they're going to make, I know one thing, it'll put them well over the limit, and they will exceed the national average of 2.33 children and a dog and a cat. Granted, income tax-wise that will be an extra deduction, but the truth is that it is 0.67 child too many for Bill and Melinda combined, and I'm not sure how they are going to manage, what with inflation and unemployment and gas prices and everything soaring, not to forget college expenses. He also needs to buy a computer for the other kid when he grows up, and I wonder where this is all going to end? I go to work in the morning, and I see gas prices at $1.41999 for unleaded regular. I come back in the evening, and the same gas station is selling the same gas for $1.47999! I tell you, you can't win! With this kind of prices, how are Bill and Belinda (or was it Melissa?) going to manage?

I also hear that they have to remodel their house (Gate-house?) now due to the baby's arrival. Apparently, the house is currently only 66,000 sq. ft., and Bill and Belissa's living quarters itself takes 11,000 sq. ft. out of that! That will leave only 55,000 sq. ft. for the three children combined, who will have to share it equally. I'm not too sure about the viability of this whole arrangement. What can a child do with a mere 18,333 sq. ft. these days? The crib itself is probably going to take 17,000 of it, and after diapers and potties and all that dirty stuff, what's left? (What's right?) You can go either left or right here, which happens to be your own choice, but how about carpet? Bill, you might as well forget about the wall to wall that you have been dreaming about, but let me tell you, buddy, you should have thought about it a few months back! Yes, it's an extra deduction, you said that, but that's not going to help you a whole lot

And Yolanda (or was it Deanna…, I can't keep up anymore!) will have to stop working shortly. That's going to be a real bummer! That's one income down the drain. She can probably collect unemployment, but what is that going to get her? A couple of cans of Amul, some milk powder, two or three boxes of Huggies, and a few bottles of baby formula…, and there won't be anything left, right? Wrong! Well, Billy old buddy, old pal, let me give you a piece of advice. On second thought, why don't I give you the whole advice instead of one small piece of it? That way, you can have the whole advice, and don't necessarily have to worry as to what the rest of it looks or sounds like. Granted, one piece is usually sufficient to get by, and sometimes even better, but I am going to give you the whole thing! I'm going to unload it on you, my friend; I'll give you the whole bowl of wax, the entire kitten kaboodle! You get the whole shebang, lock stock and barrel! I'll give you the whole nine yards…, and as a matter of fact, I'll make it ten, and throw in the extra yard for free! What am I to lose? Whatever I have is yours anyway! I mean Microsoft's! You can take my advice if you like, Bill, but I won't be offended if you didn't.

Oh, the carpet? Yeah, right, the carpet… Forget about carpet and wall to wall and all that stuff, Bill. You can't afford it anyway. What you need is Linoleum! That's the real answer! It's a godsend for people like you and me. It's a lot cheaper than you think, but then again, I don't know how cheaply you think, or what kind of cheap thoughts you think about. They are (I mean they is…, I mean Linoleum is) definitely cheaper than carpet by orders of magnitude! And even in Linoleum, there is a wide variety of prices. Some of them are cheap, while some others are not so cheap. It's a fact of life. They are like apples, but not oranges! Go ahead and mix them! They are like Apples and Dells. It depends on the people who make them. If you are a cheap person, you make cheap apples, that's all. Anyway, you play it safe and go for the cheap variety, Bill, which will save you a bunch of money. And then later, when De Laura gets a job, you can always upgrade. It is also good for the E-conomy, since you are pumping money back into cheap Linoleum! It's good republican, supply-side, trickle-down Reaganomics. Look for them in the Sunday newspaper or the yellow pages (blue pages where yellow pages are prohibited by law), and buy the stuff when they are having their close out sale. You can install it yourself, which will save you a whole bunch more right there! Oh, you mean how to install it? Good move, Bill, and good question! It's very simple. You won't be disappointed amigo, and in the process, you can also save a buck or two. I don't know if you are aware, but the Linoleum rolls come with glue on one side. All you need to do is, unfurl it,and stick it! I mean on the floor. Then if you have any left over, you can stick it up on the ceiling too, but that's entirely up to you! Then you take a roller (an oversize family member would do just as fine… Lenora, may be?) and apply pressure, so it will stick well. Have your kids jump on it if they want to, as long as it doesn't bother the neighbors living below or above you. Kid Power Is Best Power, and there's nothing to beat that. No one can do a thing about them, since they are minor. Moreover, jumping is good for the Linoleum, and also for the kids. You got a bunch of them now, right? How many do you have? Five? Are they mainly boys and girls? Is there any other kind? How old? Any of them oversize? So Bill, the point is, there are ways around it; all you need to do is keep your eyes open, or completely closed, in which case, there shall be no peeking! Let your mind take control, young Jedi, and practice thoroughly with that light saber of yours (I call it a fancy flashlight!). May the Force, which is mass times acceleration according to the Second Law of old man Fig (?) Newton, be with you! One thing to remember, though. Don't buy the three year limited warranty on those floor tiles. Oh! Linoleum? Is that what you are going to use? OK, whatever it is, it's a major rip off, because the shops usually go out of business before the warranty time is up.

Oh, no mention please, Bill and Linolia. I'm only happy to help. After all, what are friends for? I know it's hard times at the software house that Bill bilt. What?! Spelling error?! You've got to be kidding! I think your Microsoft Word spell check is all messed up! OK, I'll try BUILT, but what's U doing in there?! And more importantly, where do YOU want to go today?…

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