I like socks. I like the idea of socks. I think that it makes sense that there should be some sort of covering for your feet before they go into shoes, especially when it's cold and wet like it is now, because then your feet aren't as likely to become cold and wet. Also, few shoes are really suited to the contours of your foot, most likely because they assume that you will wear socks.

No, my problem isn't with socks. And yes, I do have a problem. My problem is with the apparent dearth of socks in the universe. I find that for some reason, my socks get dirty very quickly, i.e. thirty seconds. Therefore, I am forever washing socks, and wear at least four pairs a day. However, my washing machine, in concert with the dryer, seems to take a sadistic pleasure in devouring my socks. It is either that, or some planet named Xenosoxia in an alternate universe where a sock famine prevails,  is using my washing machine and dryer as a portal to take all my socks to relieve their problem.

I am always in want for socks, and have to resort to wearing socks with holes in the toes, or are completely worn out in the sole. I don't like holes over my toes, it creates a temperature difference for my feet that they are not terribly happy about. I even wear mismatched socks fairly often, if one of a pair is lost, but the machines are devilishly cunning, and then steal the other sock so that in the end, my sock supply is ever diminishing.

It has come to a ridiculous point. People come up to me and ask "Howdy do, Swini, and how're you going to spend that brand new paycheck?" I usually answer by saying "I'm going to buy socks!" and they walk away, shaking their heads, and muttering under their breaths about wayward children. I feel at a loss, and helpless. What can I do about my sock problem? Other than sitting in the washing machine and dryer and monitoring my socks, I see no solution. It is the subject of my agony.

The truth is, I walk around everyday and hear people moaning about things they want, like new cars, good grades, or money. All I really want in the world right now is a lifetime supply of socks...say about 116,800 pairs. And they would have to be disposable socks too, so that I could throw them away after I use them, and not give the washing machine and dryer the satisfaction of eating my socks. But perhaps that would deprive poor Xenosoxia of its steady sock supply, and thousands of aliens would go about unsocked.

No, no, I must not dream of such things. But seriously, if everyone in my school just gave me 58.4 pairs of socks, my goal would be accomplished. That's not so bad, is it? A Lifetime Sock Drive for Swini. What do you think?

 

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