Mother Knows Best:  At a senior citizen's meeting, a couple were celebrating their 50th Anniversary.  The husband stood up and was telling story of his dating habits in his youth.  It seemed that every time he brought home a girl to meet his mother, his mother didn't like her.  So, finally, he started searching until he found a girl who not only looked like his mother and acted like his mother, she even sounded like his mother.  So he brought her home one night to have dinner, and his father didn't like her.

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

"I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."

The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."

"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."

"I hate office work," said the son-in-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."

"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip.  I was having dinner with my MIL, and I wanted to say, "Could you please pass the butter?"  "But instead I said, "You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.

A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."

"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."

"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule.

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.

One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said:
"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation."

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter.
We got married and got myself a stepdaughter.
Later, my father married my stepdaughter.
That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother.
And my father became my stepson.
Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law".

"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.
This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son.
But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's
grand-son.
That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a Baby. Now the half-sister of
my son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother.
This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is
my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own
child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!!!"

A young lady, fresh out of gift ideas, bought her father-in-law-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetary. On his next birthday, she bought him nothing.
He was quick to comment loud and long on her thoughtlessness. The lady said only one thing, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year."

|