Thanks For The Laughs - On Turkeys And Thanksgiving

Thanks For The Laughs - On Turkeys And Thanksgiving

Compiled by Chitra Parayath
11/15/2004

Some of our favorite Thanksgiving jokes are presented here. While the Q and A ones have been around since the days of the Pilgrims, the others are a tad fresher!

And yes, we could not resist Dave Barry's comment!

"Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation."

- Dave Barry

Thanksgiving Weather Report

In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early weather report from our in-house weather reporters. This is one you should be sure to email to your Mom.

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near F 190. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy. A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

Q and As

How can you tell a male turkey from a female turkey?
The male is the one holding the remote control.

What do you call the dirt on a Pilgrim's hands?
Pilgrime!

What is your favourite thing to make for Thanksgiving dinner?
Reservations!

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play.

What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turKEY.

Sprightly Turkey

A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

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