A uniform beam walks into a bar...

A uniform beam walks into a bar. The barman asks, "What would you like, good sir?" 

The beam replies "Ummm… just give me a moment."

Mathematics

Client: "How do you estimate how long a project will take?"

Engineer: "I add the time needed for each activity, then multiply by pi."

The engineer's wife

A wife asks her husband, an engineer, "Darling, can you please go to the shop buy one pint of milk and if they have eggs, get a dozen!" 

Off he goes. Half an hour later the husband returns with 12 pints of milk. 

His wife stares at him and asks, "Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?" 

"Well… they had eggs" he replied.

The definition of an engineer

Definition of an engineer: somebody who makes precise guesswork based on unreliable data provided by people with questionable knowledge. Never wrong. Likes tables.

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