What do you call a tense clock?                               

All wound up.

What did the robber say to the clock?                  

Hands up!

Why is everyone so tired on April 1^st?                  

They just finished a March of 31 days.

Why did the tardy man stop to purchase a clock?            

He wanted to buy time.

Where did the clock finish the race?                     

Wherever it wound up.

Why did the girl sit on her watch?                          

She wanted to be on time.

Why shouldn’t you tell secrets when a clock is around?               

Because time will tell.

Why did the man throw the clock out the window?       

He wanted to see time fly.

What animal keeps the best time?                        

A watchdog!

How many months have 28 days?           

All of them.

Why did the pendulum stop moving?                   

It lost its swing.

What happens if you annoy a clock?                      

It gets ticked off.

Why did the woman put a clock under her desk?                            

She wanted to work overtime.

What do you call a grandfather clock?                  

An old timer.

If your watch is broken, why can’t you go fishing?          

Because you don’t have the time.

What does a wall clock do after it stops ticking?                              

It hangs around.

Why did the historian measure a clock?                              

To know the beginning and end of time.

Why did the man buy so many clocks?                 

Because time is money.

What do you call a story that one clock tells to another? 

 Second-hand information.

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