A man’s bragging about his promotion to vice president got so out of hand even his wife was annoyed. “Look, being a vice president isn’t that special,” she said. “They even have a vice president of peas at the supermarket!” Not believing her for one second, the man called the supermarket and demanded, “Get me the vice president of peas!” The clerk replied, “Fresh, canned, or frozen?”

My neighbor texted me, "I just made synonym buns!"

I texted back, "You mean like grammar use to make?" I haven't heard from her since.