The homework assignment for my Spanish class was to write a paragraph. When I returned their papers, I asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other online translator to write his paper. He categorically denied doing so. That led to my next question: “Then why is this in French?â€
Upon finding a clearly plagiarized paper, I called the student into my office. Pointing to my computer screen, I said, “I found your entire paper online. Do you have anything you want to say about that?†Her angry response: “Well, I paid my sister to write it, but I didn’t think she’d plagiarize!â€
Just before the final exam in 
my college finance class, a less-than-stellar student approached me. “Can you tell me what grade 
I would need to get on the exam 
to pass the course?†he asked. I gave him the bad news. “The exam is worth 100 points. You would need 113 points to earn a D.†“OK,†he said. “And how many points would I need to get a C
Q: What vegetables do librarians like?
A: Quiet peas.