The Romantic Novice

Joe was not a very romantic person, and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads.
He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife's cup and said, "Sugar, sugar?" Joe thought this was great and continued to listen around the dining room.
Another table over Joe observed the following. A man spooned out some honey out of a bowl for his wife and asked, "Honey, honey?"
Again Joe thought this was good stuff.
Finally, he cut off a piece of his meat, stared longingly into his young wife's eyes and said, "Ham, pig?"

A Minor Memory Moment

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man knits his brow in obvious concentration, and finally said to his companion, "Aaah, What is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?
His friend replies, "A Carnation??"
"No. No. The other one" the man says.
His friend offers another suggestion, "The Poppy?"
"Nahhhh, growls the man. You know the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend said, "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says.
He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

The Root of Women's Problems

MEN tal illness
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist............
.......... And when there is real trouble, it's a HIS terectomy.
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?

Busy Barber

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."
The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."
The guy leaves.
The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes."
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"

Short Q and A's

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Husband Shopping

A "Husband Shopping Center" was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors.
The only rule was that once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place.
So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.
First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they go.
Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," say the girls, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow!" say the women, "Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!" And so again, they go up.
Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me. But just think? ! What must be awaiting us further on?" So up to the fifth floor they go.
The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day!"

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