Definition of Out door Barbecuing
It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

1. The woman goes to the store.
   
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
   
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer / ice cold pop.
   
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
   
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
   
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
   
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
   
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
   
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
   
10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off. And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
    

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat."
- Rodney Dangerfield

Wife: The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.
Husband: Which is this?

Bread is Dangerous
Important Warning for those who have been drawn unsuspectingly into the use of bread:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
   
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
   
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
   
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
   
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
   
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
   
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
   
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
   
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
   
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
    
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
    
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

1. No sale of bread to minors.
   
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
   
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
   
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
   
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
   

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