The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”

“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”

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This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, “How old will I be when I die?”

His reply was 96 years old.

She said, “Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up.”

She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor’s office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. She walked out of the doctor’s office, started across the street, and was hit and killed.

She gets to heaven and asks the Lord, “What happened? You told me that I would live to be 96.”

His reply: “We’ll I just didn’t recognize you!”

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