A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a living will. "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug," the man says. His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.

A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded, "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a major decision." 

Every Saturday morning Grandpa Walt found himself babysitting his three grandchildren...all boys. The kids always wanted to play ''war,'' and Grandpa somehow always got coaxed into the game.  His daughter came to pick up the kids early one Saturday and witnessed Grandpa take a fake shot as Jason pointed a toy gun and yelled, "Bang!''  Grandpa slumped to the floor and stayed there motionless. The daughter rushed over to see if he was all right. Grandpa opened one eye and whispered, ''Shhh, I always do this. It's the only chance I get to rest.'' 

One day a police car pulled up to grandma's house and grandpa got out. The officer explained that this elderly gentlemen said he was lost in the park. ''Why, Bill,'' said Grandma. ''You've been going there for over 30 years! How could you get lost?'' Leaning close to Grandma so the police officer couldn't hear, he whispered, ''Wasn't exactly lost. I was just too tired to walk home.''