My teenage patient’s mother was concerned. “He must have a temperature,” she said. “He hasn’t taken our motorcycle out all day.”

“Let me ask you,” I said. “Do you have a thermometer?”

“No,” she said. “A Kawasaki.”

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My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patient’s room to draw blood. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she remarked, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right?”

“That’s true,” he agreed. “I haven’t seen a doctor in three days.”

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My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

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