Q: Why is England the wettest country? 

A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. - 

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? 

A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant

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Old man walks up and says, "For sixty years I've been trying to figure out why we vote in November. Finally found the answer this year." 

"Why's that?" 

"Better selection of turkeys!"