A man on holiday in Spain thought he would email his sister back in England. But he made a typo, so instead of sending it to Joan Foster, he sent it to Jean Foster, the wife of a recently deceased priest. When she read it, she fainted. It read: “Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here.”

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Doing the rounds of his barns in a remote country area, a farmer came across a parachutist who had landed in hay. “What happened?” asked the farmer. “My chute failed to open.” replied parachutist. “Ah, well, if you’d asked the locals before making your jump, you would’ve known that nothing around here opens on a Sunday.”

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After crawling along at a pitifully slow pace for miles, a passenger train finally stopped. Seeing the guard walking along the track, a passenger leaned out the window and asked: “What’s going on?” “There’s a cow on the track,” replied the guard. Ten minutes later, the train moved off and resumed its slow pace, but within five minutes it had stopped again. The passenger saw the same guard walking past outside once more and asked him: “What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?”

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A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.

Cop: “Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?”

Sister: “Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.”

Cop: “Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on!

Sister: “Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.”

At this point the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling.

Cop: “Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends back there? They’re shaking something terrible.”

Sister: “Oh, we just got off of highway 119.”

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The husband and wife were traveling on holiday in Scotland. As they approached Kirkcudbright, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. The argument raged until they stopped for lunch. As they stood in the restaurant, the husband asked the guy behind the counter: “Can you please settle an argument between me and my wife? How do you pronounce where we are in?” The guy leaned over the counter and said: “Burrr… gerrr… kiiing.”