As Prompt as the Tailor 

Maurice Gold took his new pair of trousers to a tailor in Stamford Hill to have them altered.  But the next day, Maurice was called to Manchester on a last-minute job assignment.  It was over 5 years before he was able to return to his Stamford Hill home. 

One day, while he was dressing, Maurice reached into his jacket pocket and to his surprise found the tailor's receipt for his trousers. So Maurice went straight away to the tailor's shop, which fortunately was still there. 

Maurice handed him the receipt, and asked, "Are my trousers here?" 

"Yes, of course," said the tailor.  "Be ready next Tuesday."

Yossi goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit. The first thing he notices is that the arms are too long. 

"No problem," says the tailor.  "Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you.  See, now it's fine." 

"But the collar is up around my ears!" 

"It's nothing.  Just hunch your back up a little . . . no, a little more.   . . . that's it." 

"But I'm stepping on my cuffs!"  Yossi cries in desperation. 

"Nu, bend your knees a little to take up the slack.  There you go.  Look in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly." 

So, twisted like a pretzel, Yossi lurches out onto the street.  Janine and Suzy see him go by. 

"Oh, look," says Janine, "that poor man!" 

"Yes," says Suzy, "but what a beautiful suit!" 

How to sell a shirt 

Sam, who is learning the tailor’s trade by working in his father’s shop, has been attending to a customer for almost 30 minutes when he goes over to his father and whispers, "Dad, my customer wants to buy a shirt and has tried on our top-of-the-range Baleboss shirt, you know, the un-shrinkable silk and cashmere version. He wants to know whether the shirt will shrink. What shall I tell him?" 

"So nu, does it fit him?" says his father. 

"No," replies Sam, "between you and I, it’s a bit too large for him." 

"So go tell him it will shrink."