A young man had completed medical school. He went back home to the small town to work with his father. They went out the first day to make house calls. As they went in the first house the father said now you watch me so you will know what to do.

Inside, a woman was in the bed and she looked terrible. The old doctor checked her out. He was making notes when he dropped his pen to the floor. He picked it up and told the woman she need to quit cleaning and working so hard in her house, she just needed rest.

When they got outside, the son asked how he knew that she was cleaning too much. The old doctor said that when he dropped his pen, the floor was so clean that there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere.

When they arrived at the next house, the father told his son that it was his turn to examine the patient. At this house too, the woman was in bed, looking terrible. The young doctor took her blood pressure and pulse, asked a few questions, and made some notes. Then he dropped his pen and reached down to pick it up. He told the woman that she was doing too much church work, and needed to cut down on what she did.

When the two doctors went outside, the old doctor asked the young one how he knew that she was doing too much church work.

The young one said, "Well, when I bent down to pick up my pen, I saw the preacher under the bed!

Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor's fashion?
The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass.
Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee Stadium.
It came in handy as a letter from his employer to the cashier to increase his salary.
And to top it off, his daughter played it on the piano and won a scholarship to the Curtis Music Conservatory.

Some of the boys got together to play poker one Saturday night. After about four hours of playing, Jim had severe chest pains and suddenly he slumped over. One of the gamblers, who happened to be a doctor, examined him. To everyone's surprise and shock, poor Jim had died of a heart attack.
None of his friends knew just how to break the sad news to Jim's wife. Finally Floyd said, "I think that I can be diplomatic about it, and break the news to her gently."
Floyd rang the bell at Jim's house. When Jim's wife answered the door, Floyd calmly said to her, "Jim just gambled with us and lost $1,000."
When Jim's wife heard this she said, "Just tell Jim to just drop dead!" Floyd replied, "That's exactly what he did."

Q: How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
A: You are fine. How am I?

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

Q: What advice don't you want to hear from a doctor before an operation?
A: Whatever you do, don't go into the light.

Q: Why did the duck go to the doctor's office?
A: He was looking for a quack.

Q: Why did the pilot go to the psychologist?
A: He thought he was plane crazy.

Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: He's all right now.

Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.

Q: What do the letters "DNA" stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.

Did you know that if all of the smokers were laid end-to-end around the world, three-quarters of them would drown?

The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with the man, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

Three men died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the first man who he was. "My name is Dr. Jones. I pioneered and developed the techniques for open heart surgery. Because of my work on earth, thousands of people all around the world have lived longer, healthier lives. Surely there is a place for me in heaven."
"Sure," Peter said, "come on in."
The second man approached and said, "St. Peter, my name is Dr. Smith. I pioneered and developed techniques for premature babies. Today there are thousands of children in the world whose lives were saved at birth because of my work. Surely there is a place for me in heaven."
"You bet, come on in," said Peter.
St. Peter asked the third man who he was. "My name is Mr. Johnson. I originated and developed the idea for HMOs. Because of my ideas on managed care and the efficiencies I developed, billions of dollars have been saved in the health care industry. Surely there is a place for me in heaven."
"OK," said Peter, "come on in. But you can only stay three days."

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