A guy walks into a pet store and asks for a unique pet. The owner suggests a centepede that likes to go to the bar for a beer every once in a while. So he buys the centepede. They get home and the guy asks his new pet if he'd like to go out for a beer. He gets no reply, so he waits a few minutes and asks the centepede again. Once again no reply. He waits a few more minutes and asks a 3rd time in a more stern voice. Finally a tiny voice replies "I heard you the first time, I'm putting on my shoes".
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I rang a builder and said ‘I’d like a skip outside my house’. He said ‘you can do what you like, I’m not stopping you’!
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New England Home
My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."
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Ear Muffs
Winters are fierce in Minnesota where he lives, so the owner of a construction project felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman. Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the project manager asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?" The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty." "Why don't you wear them?" The Project Manager said. The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! Never again, never again!"
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