Wrong Train
A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. I assumed that most French would speak English. I found that many people spoke only their own language and this included the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making several expansive gestures. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.
When he had gone, an American tourist, also on the train, leaned forward and asked if I spoke French.
'No', I admitted.
'Then that explains', she said, 'why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train.
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Another Funny Train Joke
Roger was on a train, mumbling to himself, smiling, and then raising his hand. After a moment of silence, he would go through the same process ... mumble, smile, raise hand, silence.
Maggie watched this closely, and after about ¼ an hour, she said, in a concerned voice, 'Excuse me. Is anything the matter?'
'Oh, no,' Roger answered. 'It's just that these long trips get very tedious so I tell myself jokes.'
'Why then, inquired Maggie, 'do you keep raising your hand?'
'Well,' smiled Roger, 'that's to interrupt myself because I've heard that joke before.
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Archie, a successful business man becomes fed up with all the stress of big city life and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and buys a large ranch in the middle of the outback, just north of Barossa Valley in South Australia.
After a couple of months of enjoying the quietness and solitude he hears the drumming of hoofs outside his home. Seizing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse, 'G' day neighbour, hold it right there.'
The rider says, 'I'm your neighbour, I have a ranch only 20 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting..... we'll have a great time.'
Not wanting to be unfriendly the new rancher lowers the rifle and asks, 'How should I dress?'
'Blimey, mate, it don't matter, 'replied the neighbour, 'There's only gonna be the two of us.'
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